The first impression of a date
If you’re going on a first date, you may feel both excited and stressed. You may wonder, how to make good first impression, how not to mess things up, how to spark the other person’s interest and maybe continue getting to know each other. Here are 7 first date tips that really work.
1. Be positive
Some of us have complaining in our blood, but it’s worth biting your tongue and not complaining about your neighbour, your boss or your ex (avoid this like the plague!). Show your strengths, talk about your passions and what makes you smile. A first date should be as light as a feather, so don’t bring out the heavy artillery: criticising everyone around you, talking about family conflicts or discussing controversial topics. There will be time for that later.
2. Don’t show all your cards
If a film trailer gives away too much, including the ending, it may put us off going to see the film. Who wants to watch a movie after reading a summary of the whole plot? It’s the same with a first date. During a first, casual conversation, you don’t need to share your family’s medical history, your maths grades from school or your entire love life. It’s worth saving something for later. Don’t serve a five-course dinner on a first date. Start with some snacks.
3. Show genuine interest
This point is linked to the previous one. We all need attention and interest, some of us more, some less. Instead of talking only about yourself, ask questions too. What can you ask about? Start with follow-up questions. They show that you’re listening and that you’re curious about the other person’s world. Your date says they like their job? Ask what they like about it, what challenges they face and who they work with. They mention their cat? Find out more about it. The rule of reciprocity also works well: if your date asks you where you like to go on holiday, you can answer and then ask, “And you?”
One last important rule: don’t use your phone. It’s best to keep it in your pocket or bag. Surely you can give your potential partner for life an hour of your full attention? 🙂 When we talk to someone who is reading messages or scrolling through Instagram at the same time, we don’t feel listened to.
4. Dress appropriately
If you don’t look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, don’t worry! You may not get invited to a Vogue photo shoot, but you always have a chance at a date. 🙂 Make sure you look neat. You don’t have to wear a ball gown or a suit, but an ironed shirt, a nice dress and tidy clothes will help you make a better first impression. Why? It shows that this date isn’t something you squeezed in between shopping and taking out the rubbish, but a meeting you’ve put some effort into. Plus, well-chosen clothes will highlight your best features, and that’s what you want, right?
5. Pay attention to your body language
Words say a lot, but body language, gestures and tone of voice say even more. How can you make a good first impression and build a connection? Maintain eye contact during the conversation, smile and keep an open posture: turn towards the other person and avoid crossing your arms. Try to match your pace of speaking to theirs, which helps the conversation flow naturally.
6. Be confident
Confidence works like a magnet. It’s worth investing time and attention in it, whether or not you’re dating. If you struggle with a lack of confidence in everyday life, read my article on how to build self-confidence
7. Be yourself
How should you behave on a date? Naturally. If your favourite way to spend a Saturday is curling up under a blanket with a book and a cup of coffee, don’t pretend you love nightclubs. This rule applies to every area of life. Do you want to build a happy relationship? It’s natural to want a partner, but you can’t pretend in the long run, so you only waste your time if it’s clear from the start that you’re not a good match.
A first date is a bit like a job interview. We check each other’s expectations and needs, and whether we can meet them. If someone thanks you for the date and doesn’t want to see you again, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You’re simply not a good match. An analytical accountant who loves order could be very unhappy in a startup without clear rules, and a creative copywriter could feel frustrated in a bureaucratic office. And that’s okay! As my dear teacher used to say: there’s someone for everyone!
Summary
To do well on a first date, stay positive, keep some mystery, show genuine interest and, above all, be yourself. Many of these rules work just as well in other situations where first impressions matter, such as a job interview or presenting yourself online.
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Author:
Hi, I’m Magda Kern. I’m a psychologist, the top 11 public speaking coach worldwide, a lecturer, working for companies from the Fortune 500 list, a business trainer with 12 years of experience, a TEDx coach, and an ex-vocalist based in Switzerland. I help people prepare and deliver unforgettable presentations and deal with stress.